Yin-Yang
“Near Death Experience followed by Spiritual Hotness”

Coming out of college today I crossed the road behind a truck carrying a load of scaffolding bars which was stopped at the traffic lights. The truck was a couple of feet over the line at the lights and while I was walking behind it I suddenly got smacked in the shoulder with the end of one of the scaffolding bars on the back of the truck.

The fuckwitt scally driving the truck had decided to reverse back over the line at the lights without looking behind him. Luckily for me he only reversed a couple of feet, quite slowly and the scaffolding bar overhanging the back of the truck only hit my shoulder [I’ve got quite a nice raised semi-circular welt now]. If he’d reversed a bit quicker and the bar had been at head height the only people “Sooking my Stupid Brain” would have been the Ambulancemen slopping it into a polythene bag.

Ain’t it strange how you can either carry on living as normal or cease to exist in the space of a couple of seconds in an otherwise routine and inconsequential day?

Anyway, I ran round the front of the truck and slammed my fist on the door of the cab. As I stepped back to get a view of my ‘would-be assassin’, I saw three of yer typical shaven-headed Neanderthal building site scallies sitting in the truck [The kind who would usually take great delight in shouting highly witty and original comments at any ‘weirdo’ like me in their vicinity]. I was really hoping one of them would get out of the cab [Nothing like a near-death experience to get the Adrenalin pumping!] but they just sat there looking stupid while I vented my supply of Anglo-Saxon four-letter words at them and stomped off.

Then later on my way home I got confronted by a Hare Krishna girl trying [Mostly in vain] to give passers-by packets of Incense in return for donations to the cause. I usually avoid all charity collectors [Especially religious ones] like the plague, but she was actually really cute, so I stopped and we had a very nice witty, jokey chat for 5 mins or so and I gave her a handful of change and got some of the Joss-Sticks off her. I went on my way, feeling that lovely elated feeling you get when you indulge in a bit of harmless flirting with someone and think to yourself “The old boy’s still got it! The worlds not such a bad place after all!”

So there you have it. One minute I’m nearly an ‘ex-madra’ and ten minutes later I’m feeling like the cat that got the cream. Isn’t life a spooky wee thing at times? Luckily I’m a completely 100% paid up member of the Athiests’ Union, otherwise I might have read something deeply symbolic into the whole incident and would even now be shaving off my lovely dredds and wrapping myself in an orange blanket.

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