None of the Above
“Guy Fawkes. The only man to enter Parliament with honest intentions.”

Just got my Postal Ballot through the door this morning -not that I have any intention of voting in the General [or any other] Election.

Barely had the ballot paper landed on the doormat, when it was followed shortly afterwards by an avalanche of leaflets from the various candidates. I don’t know why they even bother wasting the money printing this shite up [Although judging from the grotty, smudgy, sub church newsletter offerings from a few of the smaller parties, not everyone exactly broke the bank, publicising their pipedreams]. Coz, even if I could be arsed with any of this ridiculous charade, it would all be pointless, as Manchester is one of the original “Pin a Red Rosette on a Donkey and it’ll get Elected” constituencies. Come to think of it tho’, if my experiences dealing with the Town Hall are anything to go by, a donkey would probably be over-qualified for the job!

And what a fantastic line-up of candidates there are; ranging from our, lank-haired, veggie hippy schoolteacher for the Greens [although kudos to the guy. At least he does actually have the decency to live about 5 mins down the road], through the various dour pinch-mouthed, miserable Trade Unionists in their shiny elbowed suits, representing various splinter alternatives to the official Labour Party, to our Nazi er.. sorry National Front candidate, who actually lives in somewhere near Leeds, our official Labour candidate - all plastic smile and concrete quiff, our nondescript Lib Dem and UKIP no-hopers, to the crowning turd in the cesspit; our magnificent Conservative candidate, who’s so in touch with local issues he lives in fucking London!

And across the country countless millions of doormats are being similarly contaminated by insincerely smiling, greasy little swindlers. O well! -at least there’s only a week or so more of this crap to stomach and then they’ll all stop pretending they care what we think and crawl back under their rocks for another four years.

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