To certain persons at City College Manchester who, for the sake of keeping my job, must sadly remain nameless - a heartfelt Christmas greeting:
As I sit here with [literally!] £1,32 to my name in the bank, debating whether to settle for a single brussels sprout for Christmas dinner, or attempt to catch one of the mice I can hear scampering about in the attic and roast it over a roaring candle, I’d like to thank you for all you’ve done for me over the past couple of months, to make this such a special Christmas…
I’d like to thank you for still not having paid me the hundred odd quid my wages were short in September.
I’d like to thank you for still not having paid me for the trip I made to the “Design Your Futures” fair in London at the beginning of November, where I got up at four in the morning, drove down there, spent two eight hour days on my feet at said education fair, trying to convince prospective students what a wonderful institution you were. The pats on the back and congratulatory emails were nice, but unfortunately not legal tender.
I’d like to thank you for still not having reimbursed me for the £300+ expenses I had to fork out of my own pocket for the aforementioned London jaunt; paying for fuel to get there and back, parking the van for two nights at exorbitant central London rates and also having to pay £80 odd to get an electric line to our stall at the expo, seeing as this hadn’t been organised in advance. It was lovely of you to promise me that I’d get re-imbursed for any such expenses, immediately on my return and then to renege on this.
You see I only had just over £300 in the bank in the first place, before I went to London and this was earmarked for paying my rent. It was nice, at forty years old, to subsequently have to scrounge the money off my wee Mammy, so I would have a roof over my head at Christmas.
I’d like to thank you for still not having paid me the £700 odd you still owe me from October and November’s wages and for constantly lying to me and fobbing me off from one person to the other, whenever I tried to clear this up. I’m sorry if I inconvenienced you in any way with my ridiculous expectations of actually being paid for working for you. it’s just that I usually go over to Ireland** at Christmas to visit the mammy, seeing as how I only see her a couple of times a year and unfortunately, this year, I won’t be going - as I’ve been unable to find a ferry company, or even one of these so-called budget airlines, that will carry me across the Irish Sea for £1,32.
Finally, I’d like to thank the college administration as a whole for not being bowed by sentimentality and the nature of the festive season into actually allowing our wages for December to go into the bank a couple of days early, so we could receive them before Christmas. Best to stick to procedure and wait strictly for the last day of the month to pay them [or that mysteriously random portion of them that I seem actually to receive, once you’ve cocked them up as usual].
Better still, why not really do things by the book and wait til the first banking day of January. That way I can be skint for New Year as well!
I trust that none of you “bean counters” will have experienced any hiccups or shortfalls in your own particular salaries, at this time of year [and I’m pretty sure you won’t have!]. So let me take this opportunity to say that I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas
I fucking won’t!