The past few years have seen a veritable explosion in televisual technology; the clunky VHS tape has given way to DVD and the old Cathode Ray Tube is on its way out, making way for wardrobe sized Flat Panel Displays and HDTV. And yet, with all these great leaps forward in the delivery and storage of our media, what in the way of actual content are these devices being used to display?
The television schedules consist almost entirely of programmes - based around Zzz-lebrities or vacant members of the public who would eat their own vomit, with a spoon, to get themselves on telly - programmes so moronic they are an insult. What use are forty plus channels, when none of them broadcast anything worth watchable?
Most DVD releases seem to be boxed sets of the same crap that’s on TV continually anyway. Why on Earth would anyone want a box set of something like Friends for God’s sake?! With a bit of judicious channel hopping, anyone with satellite or a digital box can watch fucking Friends 24 hours a day, seven days a week, if they want to!
Mind you, at least something like Friends actually has a script, actors and a storyline. I never fail to be gobsmacked by the flood of unbelievably pisspoor DVDs that are released. I’ve seen DVDs of quiz shows, freakumentarys, talent[less] shows and every banal lump of chewing gum for the brain in between. It wouldnae surprise me if, right now, some cuntwitted media company were putting the finishing touches to “The Best of Teletext” box set [with an introduction by Jimmy ‘fucking-giant-baby-spud-face’ Carr, of course!]
And let’s not forget the Home Cinema aspect. Now, with all those speakers placed strategically around your livingroom -not only can you watch that miserable pinch-mouthed old boot, rooting through Tupperware boxes of some sobbing Salad-Dodger’s poo -you can hear the squelching in quadrophonic surround sound too!
It used to be a standing joke that young children would spend more time on Christmas morning playing with the boxes and wrapping paper their presents came in, than with the actual toys themselves. I cannae help but think that the current batch of TV technology is helping to carry on this fine tradition into adulthood; You might as well get as much enjoyment out of the packaging as you can, because the content is going to be bitterly disappointing.