The Planet Needs No Saving
“Don't worry, Greens. The Earth can look after itself”

I really wish people would stop wanking on about “Saving the Planet”. You can barely turn on the telly or radio, or read an advert these days without stumbling across some multinational Earth-raping company trying to convince you they’re all a bunch of lentil sucking hippies, or having to listen to some tedious ‘popstar’ banging on about the environment, before dumping a few more tons of carbon into the air as they jet off to their next global photo opportunity. Dinnae get me wrong, I’m all in favour of looking after the environment and trying to be a bit more ‘green’, but the way the whole thing has been hijacked by the usual profit and publicity seeking tossers and wankers -who cannae see a bandwaggon but they’re strapping on their jumping boots- gets on my tits.

But that’s not what’s started to irritate me the most. After all, we know that Zzz-lebrities are addicted to publicity, and megacorporations to money, like they were crack. No. What bugs me is the fact that this ‘Nouveau-Greenery’ is inevitably referred to in terms of “Saving the Planet”

Absolute Bollox! - Is the human race really so arrogant that it thinks Planet Earth only exists for our benefit and will wink out of existence the moment the last human being sinks under the run-off from the melting icecaps? This planet existed for countless millions of years before us baldy monkeys came along and started to trash the place and it’ll exist for countless million more years after we’re gone. Irrespective of whether or not Planet Earth supports human life, it’ll still carry on orbiting The Sun and providing a natural habitat for lifeforms of one kind or another. And who knows - maybe whichever of those evolves in time to become the dominant species, will make a better job of not shitting on their own doorstep than we’ve done up to now.

So by all means let’s try and tidy up a bit before we ruin the place, but let’s not be under any illusions that we’re trying to ‘Save the Earth’. The Earth’s alright, Jack. This is about saving ourselves!

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