05 Jan 2016
Nostradamus Corner 2016
“His talents would be better deployed, than trying to peer into the void!”
nostradamus201401

OK. Let’s get this annual 'Pantomime of Piss-Poor Prognostication' out of the way.

With last year’s predictions returning a record but still contemptible score of 3/10 on the Nostradam-O-Meter®, I could probably beat a typewriter-equipped chimpanzee over the head with a crystal ball until he produced some random gibberish –and still beat that total. But I’ve gone to all the trouble of getting my Mystic Meg outfit out of the wardrobe and squeezing into it. So we might as well go for it:

  1. A prominent member of the royal family will snuff it. [Yes, I know I predicted this last year too and was wrong. But, surely Prince Philip can’t cheat the grim reaper for much longer!]
  2. We will have snow in Manchester, in April
  3. Jolla will finally go tits-up. SailfishOS will be picked up by one of the big Chinese brands like Xiaomi or Huawei
  4. The first self-driving taxis will go into operation.
  5. Mötorhead will have a 'postumous' No.1 single [possibly for charity]
  6. Trouble in the Middle-East [on a government-toppling scale] will spread to another country which, up til now, has remained fairly stable.
  7. Still no sign of 'Life on Mars'
  8. Scientists will 'successfully' clone a mammoth embryo, although it will be born dead.
  9. Linux share of the desktop market will peak at over 2,5%. Windows will drop below 90% [No, that doesn’t constitute a "This is the year of Linux on the desktop…​" prediction!]
  10. This set of predictions will break all my previous records for accuracy –and, as you know, that’s up against some pretty stiff competition!

There you go, fans of fuckwitted futurology. Don’t forget to check back at the turn of the year, to see how I did. [And, if you’re feeling the mystic powers yourself, why not add your own predictions, in the comments].

Back to Top