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Arse Sum!
23 Mar 2015
I’ve mentioned before my long-standing abhorrence of the use of the non-word ‘Solutions’ in the corporate world and the red mist still descends, every time I see it. Of late however it has been replaced in my odium by an even more irritating word: “Awesome”. Like most of the world’s major irritations, the use of the word ‘awesome’ as the ‘no-brain-required’ default adjective to describe anything which causes the slightest degree of pleasure whatsoever, started with the ‘Merkins.... [ Read More ]
Wimbledon Sketch
16 Oct 2007
THE WIMBLEDON COMMENTATOR The commentator is of the ‘Old School’ - an old fuddy-duddy type with a public school accent. Think Dan Maskell. COMMENTATOR: And so as Jock McTavish prepares to serve in this deciding game, the hopes of British tennis rest squarely on his young shoulders… He bounces the ball… once… twice… He serves… [pause …Thwack noise - roaring from the crowd] COMMENTATOR: [Shouts - excited] ACE! It’s an ace!... [ Read More ]
Bog Trotting
02 Sep 2007
Apropos of nothing - save the fact I’ll be stayin’ over at a mates house in a few days - a question which has long puzzled me: “why do the English never have locks on their toilet doors?” I’m just going though a mental list of friends, acquaintances, in-laws and other ‘Persons Known to Me’ - as the police would have it - in whose houses, over the years, I’ve spent the night.... [ Read More ]
English for Beginners
16 Jun 2005
Sometimes, whilst ploughing through the semi-literate prose which comprises [I’d guess] 99,9% of the content on the internet, I find myself wondering if anyone else on the planet can actually spell and understand basic English grammar? I’m not talking about the plankton-brained kids of today and their teeth-grindingly irritating ”…u no wot I want cuz u is gr8…” SMS inspired terminal illiteracy, but seemingly intelligent ‘Grown-Ups’ who, in the middle of an otherwise coherent paragraph, will suddenly drop in a ”… you know what your doing…” or an ”.... [ Read More ]
Why Do They Say 'Literally' When They Mean 'Figuratively'?
27 May 2005
This seems to be a disease endemic amongst the journalistic classes, but seems particularly prevalent amongst sports commentators. ”…He quite literally skinned the defender…” ”…the keeper literally performed miracles between the sticks…” ”…the whole town of Aintree quite literally comes to a standstill for this race…” ”…he’s literally been driving by the seat of his pants for the past two laps…” and so on and so forth. Such sloppy grammar.... [ Read More ]
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