Well, here we go again: another year, another fart-worthy folio of futile fog-peering.
With last year’s predictions plumbing new depths of uselessness by scoring a contemptible 2⁄10 on the Nostradam-O-Meter®, there’s only one way to go this year! [mind you, with me at the helm of the Good Ship Predicto, that way is probably downwards].
Anyway, without further ado lets quack aside the mists of time and gaze into the future for 2017....
[ Read More ]Nostradamus Corner 2016 the Post-Mortem
01 Jan 2017
Bloody Hell. Why did I ever start this nonsense!
Well, loyal readership, [Yes, both of you!] here we are embarking on another new year and, before we throw entrails at our tea-leaves and sacrifice our prize otters to the Gods of Things to Come, it’s time to take a look at how we fared with last year’s predictions.
With famous people dropping like flies for most of the year, surley even this jug-eared balloon must have got something right!...
[ Read More ]Nostradamus Corner 2016
05 Jan 2016
OK. Let’s get this annual ‘Pantomime of Piss-Poor Prognostication’ out of the way.
With last year’s predictions returning a record but still contemptible score of 3⁄10 on the Nostradam-O-Meter®, I could probably beat a typewriter-equipped chimpanzee over the head with a crystal ball until he produced some random gibberish –and still beat that total. But I’ve gone to all the trouble of getting my Mystic Meg outfit out of the wardrobe and squeezing into it....
[ Read More ]Nostradamus Corner 2015 the Post-Mortem
04 Jan 2016
Gosh. Doesn’t time fly!
It seems like only a few months ago I was making my annual Nostradamus Corner predictions for 2015 after packing up my crystal ball to send in for servicing, when I gauged the accuracy of my previous year’s predictions.
So, how did we do last year? Did I get my mojo back and unnerve the world with my uncanny abilities to peer into ‘the shape of things to come’?...
[ Read More ]Nostradamus Corner 2015
01 Jan 2015
Well, my lovelies. Here we are again. I’ve been gazing in wonderment at my ball all morning, I’ve swirled the tea leaves round like a feckin’ Catherine Wheel and the chicken entrails are steaming away nicely. It’s time to visit that Twilight Zone-esque corner of space and time known as “Nostradamus Corner”, wherein I veritably sweep aside the curtain of the present and peer myopically into the future, to see what 2015 has in store for us all:...
[ Read More ]Nostradamus Corner 2014 the Post-Mortem
31 Dec 2014
Hello there, dear readers tumbleweed! –and welcome to what has now become a bit of a tradition round my parts; namely my making a set of hopeless predictions for the year ahead, at the turn of the year. I’ll be making my risible predictions for next year tomorrow, but for now let’s see how I got on last year. Those of you out there of a gambling bent will soon realise that a good strategy to maximise your profitibility for the forthcoming solar soujourn is to note down my fuck-arsed visions of the future and then bet heavily on whatever the opposite of them all is....
[ Read More ]Nostradamus Corner 2014
02 Jan 2014
OK. The bones have been rattled. The entrails have been studied. The huge balls have been stroked. It’s time for the latest round in my occasional game of making a few predictions for the year ahead. So here, in no particular order, are the first ten visions which manifested themselves to me through rips in the very curtain of time itself. Remember to check back in January 2015 and marvel at how uncannily accurate these were:...
[ Read More ]From Our Nostradamus Department
08 Jan 2005
Last night I dreamt that I was sitting by the touchline, waiting for this summer’s FA Cup Final to start and, as is customary with dreams, was having an endless cycle of frustration -in this case, trying to connect my laptop to my online bookies to put a bet on before the match started.
In the dream, The Final was between Everton and Middlesbro’ and I was trying to bet on Middlesbro’....
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