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Adding a Social Bookmarking Toolbar to Your Posts 26 Mar 2008
[Shamelessly recycled from my post on the appletalker scrapbook] Here’s a quick tutorial on how to add a nice toolbar [with icons!] to the bottom of each of your Blogger posts, that will allow your avid readership to post your drivel to the following social bookmarking sites; Digg, Reddit, del.icio.us and Technorati. I’ve also incorporated Blogger’s built-in 'Add Comment' link into the toolbar, to keep everything neat and organised.... [ Read More ]
'Political Correctness' - Meet 'Barrel-Scraping' 21 Mar 2008
It takes a special kind of fuckwitt to come up with a programme idea which combines elements of unoriginality, political-correctness and Americanisation in such a haddock-stinking way that I truly thought this was an early April Fool’s joke, when I stumbled upon it on the BBC’s website. For what you are looking at here, dear reader, is none other than Enid Blyton’s Famous Five, given a 21st Century makeover, for a new cartoon series on the Disney Channel.... [ Read More ]
Question Marks 21 Mar 2008
Laying into the advertising industry is a bit like kicking a dead man with two sets of knackers - not much of a challenge and plenty to aim for. But, what the Hell. It’s the Easter holidays and I’m entitled to take things easy. So today, children let’s contemplate one of the three or four ideas which are currently afoot and endlessly re-hashed in advert-land, the 'Question as Slogan':... [ Read More ]
Random Photoshop Tip - Straightening Wonky Horizontals [Or Verticals] 07 Dec 2007
We’ve all got photographs were the horizontals or verticals aren’t quite perpendicular. You can try to avoid this problem by not taking photographs while drunk but it’s much more fun to use Photoshop to fix things up later. This tip also works for teetotallers who just cannae get their perpendiculars perpendicular either. First find an afflicted image. Here’s one I’ve deliberately ‘wonkified’ to an exaggerated degree.... [ Read More ]
Using 'Categories' With Blogger 07 Dec 2007
Last week one of the students, who had previously used Wordpress, asked me if Blogger ‘did categories’ because [s]he wanted to file their posts under categories reflecting which college project they referred to. "No" I replied, with the robust confidence of someone talking out of his nether regions *"Blogger disnae support categories. The best you can do is organise posts by date". Well, even a towering intellect like myself can occasionally get things wrong and, after further tinkering I have discovered that, whilst Blogger disnae support categories per se, there is a way to make it behave as if it does by taking advantage of the fact that Blogger does support attaching keywords to a post [or LABELS in Blogger parlance] and does allow you to add some custom menus to your template layout [providing you’re using one of the modern templates].... [ Read More ]
Set Up Tracking for Your Blog 04 Dec 2007
In ten…​ Oh, alright then eleven simple steps. One of the lesser known goodies that you gain access to, when you sign up for a Google account is Google Analytics - a service which lets you track visitors to your blog and view lots of interesting geeky detail about them, such as where in the world they surfed in from, what browser they used and the ego-bruising bottom line; '`How many people are actually reading this crap?... [ Read More ]
More on PDPs 04 Dec 2007
As part of their coursework, students at our college are required to keep a PDP [Personal Development Plan] - a studio diary in which they chart their progression through the course by way of discussing works in progress, referencing other works which influence them and - as part of the critical studies element of the course - writing a couple of reviews. In the past, this PDP has always had to be presented in physical form which, as you can imagine, gives rise to numerous opportunities for the perennial student excuses such as "... [ Read More ]
First Tweakage 03 Dec 2007
Inveterate tinkerer that I am, I wasnae able to leave the default template alone for long. Although it’s the cleanest looking of the templates available, there were a few things about it which bugged me, so I made some initial adjustments. No doubt I’ll be returning to tinker at a later date. For now I’ve: Moved the sidebar to the left - where it should be [IMHO]... [ Read More ]
The Traditionally Tedious First Post 03 Dec 2007
In my capacity as most popular lecturer in the Design & Visual Arts Department of City College Manchester, I am often asked to share my encyclopaedic knowledge with hordes of saucer-eyed students, who gaze at me in admiration and hang on my every syllable. This past two weeks I have been talking the students through the process of setting up blogs and showing them the mechanics of adding photos, slideshows & video — generally availing of the various tentacles of the Google global empire; Blogger, Picasa and YouTube.... [ Read More ]
Dedicated Fuckwitts of Fashion 22 Oct 2007
My contempt for that large percentage of the female population who would go out wearing a sack of dogshit tied round their waist if some skull-faced bitch in Cosmopolitan told them to - and would then ponce round looking down their snotty noses at anyone 'uncool' enough not to be similarly attired - knows almost no bounds. Every year there’s some new 'must have' look which legions of vacuum-headed girls dutifully adopt because they’ve been told they have to.... [ Read More ]
Mastermind Sketch 16 Oct 2007
MASTERMIND SKETCH Interior. the familiar black chair, spotlit from above. A sweet-looking [if slightly bewildered] old biddy is sitting in the chair clutching her handbag defensively in front of her chest and smiling innocently at the quizmaster. The Mastermind theme tune could be fading out in the background. QUIZMASTER Your name please BIDDYEdith Bramble QUIZMASTER And your spe…​. EDITH [interrupting him] I’m ninety-seven, you know! QUIZMASTER Very good.... [ Read More ]
Sex Therapists TV Show Sketch 16 Oct 2007
THE SEX THERAPISTS TV SHOW Interior. A TV studio. Our viewpoint should be as if we are watching the show on television. A middle-aged couple stand behind a desk or podium. Behind them on the wall [or emblazoned across the front of the desk/podium] is the show’s title: "THE LOVE DOCTORS". The couple are stereotypically American; fake orange tans, huge fluorescent white teeth and too much jewellery. The man is fat and the woman has that anorexic look with a scrawny leathery neck like a tortoise […​Mutton Dressed as Lamb, in other words].... [ Read More ]
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