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Democracy -Dontcha Love It?! 13 Mar 2005
Nice to see all the main parties falling into line and voting for [albeit with a couple of insignificant amendments] The Government’s new Anti-Terror laws. These were brought in after the senile cunts in the House of Lords actually woke up long enough to realise that the previous policy of allowing anyone suspected of "Being a Johnny Foreigner" er…​ sorry, I mean of "Planning Terrorism" to be detained indefinitely without charge and without them or their solicitors being given access to the evidence against them was "... [ Read More ]
From Our Nostradamus Department 08 Jan 2005
Last night I dreamt that I was sitting by the touchline, waiting for this summer’s FA Cup Final to start and, as is customary with dreams, was having an endless cycle of frustration -in this case, trying to connect my laptop to my online bookies to put a bet on before the match started. In the dream, The Final was between Everton and Middlesbro' and I was trying to bet on Middlesbro'.... [ Read More ]
Uno, Dos, Tres... Catorce ??? 12 Dec 2004
Someone should tell U2 that in whatever that feckin' song is they’re using to sell iPods at the minute, Bonio is screeching "One, two, Three, Fourteen" in Spanish. Is that a fuck-up, or am I missing something incredibly witty and deliberate here? ... [ Read More ]
Random Irritations No. 634 09 Dec 2004
Downloads from the net, where not only does the name of the archived file you download bear no relation at all to the name on the download link but uncompressing the archive file produces something with yet another completely different name. I find this is a great way to fill my downloads folder up with either multiple downloads of the same archive file as I hit 'Download' again after failing to find a file with the name I’m expecting, or multiple copies of the uncompressed archive as I doubleclick on that repeatedly for the same reason.... [ Read More ]
Slaving Over a Hot Keyboard 03 Dec 2004
Well, there’s nothing like a bout of enforced poverty to get the creative juices flowing! Work has been a bit thin on the ground over the past few weeks. What with Christmas being just round the corner [I think it started in early November this year!] people are obviously saving the money they’d usually spend on vital necessities like websites and programming on idle frippery like booze and mince pies instead.... [ Read More ]
[Singing] 'I Am Plagiarising - I Am Plagiarising...' 17 Nov 2004
A friendly pat on the back [with a sledgehammer] to the Dickie Beasley at Fuckwitte, Pilloque and Spratt who came up with the stunningly original advert currently airing for the Halifax Building Society! The way that office block, weighs anchor and glides off down the street like a frigate, complete with fluttering tarpaulins for sails is a piece of cinematic genius. Shame on the Monty Python team for blatantly plagiarising this idea back in 1983 with the vastly inferior Crimson Permanent Insurance sketch at the beginning of their film The Meaning of Life!... [ Read More ]
So Bohored of 'Boho' 17 Nov 2004
As a regular eBay, with my very own wee shop, I’m getting used to the acronyms and buzzwords with which people populate their auction ads, but it seems like in the space of the last week or so, every fecker who’s putting Anything up for auction feels the need to describe it as "Boho". I presume it’s some kind of derivation of 'Bohemian' but do they really need to use it on every feckin' ad?... [ Read More ]
Ask Me No Questions... 11 Nov 2004
Egads! -To the Salisbury Pub last night, with the missus in tow, for the bi-semanal [is that a real word?] Pub Quiz, only to find that they didnae have enough punters in to justify running it this week. What the feck is going on?! - surely we havenae scared everyone else away by our increasingly commonplace and heroic victories? I mean we’ve not even been for about three weeks, so the rest of you had yer window of opportunity to pick up a prize or two if you wanted!... [ Read More ]
Look Out! It's Middle-Class Multi-Ethnic Model Gang! 10 Nov 2004
The world of advertising, infested as it is with novelty tie and glasses wearing cocklappers of the first order who think the world thousand is pronounced "Kay", has always been a particular bugbear of mine. So it gives me great pleasure to throw a bucket of cold sick in the face of whichever Dickie Beasley* brought us "Middle-Class Multi-Ethnic Model Gang" For years advertisers have presented us visions of the world as it should be, rather than as it is.... [ Read More ]
Why Do I Buy Appliances That Don't Exist? 10 Nov 2004
OK -So today the missus decides she wants to do a bit of hoovering round the flat. Now I’m not one to stand in the way of a girl’s ambitions, so I dig out the vacuum cleaner and, 'lo and behold' there’s no feckin' bag in it, nor any in the house. And thus begins the latest in a long line of my Trials of Hercules [Updated and adapted for 21st Century living].... [ Read More ]
Snap Unhappy 09 Oct 2004
I am a tad pissed off this morning! Ever since I got my luvverly wee Canon Digital Ixus about a year or so ago, I’ve been in the habit of stickin' it in my pocket everytime I leave the house while proclaiming "I mustn’t forget the Pepperami!" [My hilarious pun on 'Paparazzi' -Geddit?]. The missus regularly questions my Boy Scout like photographic prepared-ness with helpful comments such as "Why do you need to bring a camera to Asda?... [ Read More ]
Splash Down! 30 Aug 2004
Last night [For the fourth feckin' time in my cack-handed career] I managed to knock a bottle of beer over in proximity to my computer. Unfortunately, this time the wee blighter didnae survive the assault. He’s been with me about 5 years and has resisted the intrusion of Red Wine and Guinness, but was finally brought to his knees by some Marston’s Pedigree Ale Unfortunately, although I dried the comp out as best I could and left it upside down and dismantled overnight, the Magic Pixies did not fix it while I slept.... [ Read More ]
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