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The Only Thing You Done Was Yesterday 03 May 2006
Ah! -the stench of xenophobia in the air! There must be another football tournament featuring England and Germany, on the horizon. Time to start digging through the history books again! Channel Five set the ball rolling [Geddit?!] and lived up to their usual sub-tabloid standards with their trailers for the "England v. Germany" episode of the Pitched Battles football history series last week, by cutting the trailers so that a clip of the pre-war German team flourishing Nazi salutes was immediately followed by a grinning England team holding aloft the World Cup.... [ Read More ]
You've Gotta Laugh, Haven't You? 03 May 2006
As anyone with a blog will know, one of the more amusing things you have to deal with are the constant attempts [by means of fake comments] of fuckwitted spammers to pollute your artistic genius with their semi-literate hawking of various tawdry "organ-enhancement" lotions and potions, or online card games. In the past, these "Spamments" [I just coined that phrase - amn’t I witty?] consisted purely of dozens of links to whatever crap the spammers were peddling and were correspondingly easy to spot and delete.... [ Read More ]
The Most Pointless Tickbox of All Time 25 Apr 2006
Why do eBay even bother to have that "Keep Me Signed In…​" tickbox on the login screen for their website? It doesn’t work. It never has worked and -although I keep ticking it every time I login, just on the off-chance they’ve finally fixed the damned thing- it probably never will work! Seeing as I have to spend so much of my time on eBay, hanging around the login screen, I think they should at least make that area of the site a bit more hospitable and ambient.... [ Read More ]
Play It Loud, Mutha-Flippa! 24 Apr 2006
On Sunday avvy, while idly flicking through the telly channels in the vague hope of finding something remotely watchable, I happened upon the promising sounding "Kerrang Top 100 Greatest Rock Videos of all Time". The phrase "All-Time" in this case, as with all these type of programmes, seemingly encompassing the music industry’s output from as far back in time as the previous fortnight. As I watched the programme, presented by that drummer out of the Stereophonics and two delightfully intellectually stunted vacuous bimbos [who I am reliably informed are tabloid topless models], it didnae take too long for me to realise something was rotten in the state of Anarchy.... [ Read More ]
Put TCP on Their Beaks! 08 Apr 2006
Have you ever in your life heard the like of the bollox that’s going on in the press about Bird Flu? I actually thought the media-led furore had died down again, after the hacks moved on to warning us that the whole country was about to become desiccated, because it hadnae rained in the Home Counties for more than a week. But now bird flu is back on the front pages with a vengeance thanks to "... [ Read More ]
Blow for George Bush 31 Mar 2006
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Yeller Bellies 22 Mar 2006
Woohoo! - found out tonight that Mazza and me had both passed our second Tai Kwondo grading [held on Sunday] and are now the proud possessors of yellow belts. This was in spite of my cocking up Chon Ji the first time and having to do it again --D’oh! I have a great excuse tho'…​ Whenever we’ve practiced it in the Dojang or when I’ve run through it at home, it’s always been in a room with windows along one side - and I/we’ve always started the pattern [and thus ended it] facing the windows.... [ Read More ]
How Can I Ever Thank You? 02 Mar 2006
I’ve just been on the Government’s website, paying the tax disc for the car; £170 for the privilege of another 12 months sitting in traffic jams and having my motor rattled to bits by pot-holes. How thrilling it was to see that the web page where the process of paying the fucker begins is entitled not "Pay for your Tax Disc" * but *"Apply for a tax Disc" --as if it’s something you really want to do anyway and which the Government might allow, if you ask nicely.... [ Read More ]
Sign Off 16 Feb 2006
What the hell where the sandal-wearing PC correct brigade at ITV thinking of, when they came up with the ludicrous idea of sticking "signers" on some of their late night movies? Now, I’m as much in favour of equal access rights for the disabled as the next guy, but why do I have to suffer what looks like a small Gnome with St. Vitus Dance threshing about in the corner of the screen while I’m trying to watch a movie.... [ Read More ]
Smoke Crack for Allah! 16 Feb 2006
So it [turns out Omar Khayam, the poster boy for the fanatical Moslems protesting in London against the Danish Allah cartoons at the weekend, is in fact a convicted crack and heroin dealer, who was released on licence from prison last year, halfway through a six year jail sentence. Presumably Mr. Khayam was suitably outraged at this degenerate act of liberal Western decadence by the prison parole board and rued the fact he hadn’t been convicted of his crimes in a country with a justice system founded on the strict Islamic principles he was advocating at the weekend.... [ Read More ]
Chicken Shit 06 Feb 2006
Is it just me, or does anyone else think that Chicken Licken is one of the fugliest cartoon creations yet? He looks like the bastard offspring of some illicit liaison between Timmy Mallet and Orville the Duck! ... [ Read More ]
Never Play Star Trek Wi' Yer Mammy! 10 Jan 2006
One day, many, many moons ago when we were wee, me and my brother R—— were playing an exciting game of Star Tek. Unconsciously echoing the nano-budgets of the TV programme itself, the drama was being played out through the medium of handwritten coded notes which --passed back and forward under the dining room door-- represented communication between the orbiting Enterprise and the doughty explorers on some alien planet’s surface.... [ Read More ]
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